Made me weak in the knees, O’ I wish I had a river.

The thought of it makes it all connect into something beautiful, something that connects finally lets you have some sort of grip upon.  This little grip is breathing so much life into your very own being.  What gives? What helps? As you step out for a walk out the door and into a fresh new ground that smells of the wetness from the rain.  As the cool breeze makes its way into your nose and hair it reminds you to just, relax.  On days like these don’t seem to have much excitement, yes of course not on the outside but in the inside of your mind it is like parade that is coming through a desert place that seems to entertain your simple mind.  Many colors that seem to only come together in events like this, People’s faces and movements are strange but yet once you begin to see as to why they do what they do there is depth and it is ever so meaningful, almost somewhat beautiful. Go take a walk you suggest, only to release yourself from the thoughts of the day, yes that is the first thought.  But as you tend to walk farther and away from the original trail you wonder down a trail that is over grown with brush and leaves that takes you into a deeper wood of imagination and delight. You step one foot in front of the other.  You slowly trust your eyes to keep going in deeper, you stay on the trail of course.  You take your eyes off the path and point them straight right up towards the sky.  Your eyes begin to wonder.  You look around seasons are changing from summer to fall right before you eyes.  You get that warm feeling that this home is a home away from home.  You’re comfortable but yet so out of reach of anyone or anything familiar. The openness of the environment becomes your mind and heart.  Sensitive to sound, all movement, a touch, and emotion.  All of yourself becomes a box awaiting to fill with a treasure that will be sealed and kept safe from rust, mold, and corrosion. The flood of what comes out of this whole thing is traveling from your mind right to the very depths of your heart.  What you see now becomes something you feel.  It isn’t beautiful because its screaming “beauty!” but its beautiful because it makes you feel beautiful.  How can one small person ever be worth looking up to something/someone so beautiful, so perfect, so huge, as you hold your breath in for a gasp or sigh of air, the words… breath taking, spill out ever so naturally.  There are so many people in the world and you feel like you’re the only one who has taken this moment for what it really is at that moment… indescribable.  Every thing is beautiful in its exact spot.  How in the world could he ever make something so beautiful for you to enjoy.  You only speak because HE spoke first.  YOU only breathe because G-D has breathed HIS VERY OWN breath into you.  YOU are Poor and needy but G-D still thinks upon YOU.  This is no book, no teaching, no tall tail, this is the shock wave that brings you to your very knees.  Tears fall like rain from your eyes down your cheek slowly making its way off your face dropping suddenly to your feet.  The washing of feet with the sinner’s tears comes finally alive and very very real.  It is the only worthy emotion to show him.  The emotion of  “THANK YOU”, and “WHAT A BEAUITFUL GOD, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL GOD THERE MUST”.  Days yes change to weeks, weeks into months, months into years, summer to fall, fall to winter, winter to spring, and again spring right back to summer. I might change locations, and my feelings do change no doubt. But for once… G-D you do not change.  Neither does your beautiful perfection.  Since feelings change G-D and you do not, forever your creation will declare the beauty of your glory.  I will be forever be able to see it from afar who you are and how much of your goodness is painted across the universe. Here is my heart Lord take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above. 

Psalm 50:7-15

I fell in Love with something named "today"

Looking through a window of a car is like watching a photo stream passing by and as they roll on you start to think of what it reminds you of.  you are having your head straight on before you finally realize that there is a whole other picture going on, that is waiting for your attention to be paid to it as if you owe it something or sometime in your life. You had been staring into the front of the car in the back seat for as long to the point where you for once in your so called busy life have time to not think about anything.  You have stared so long that it becomes like a movie the music from you radio that is on shuffle seems to get lighter and lighter and the theme music of your emotion begins to rise up to the highest.  You try to look down and begin ponder as to what you would want to make for dinner or how you needed to call so-and-so back.  but then you hear that Unique and so inviting voice out the side window that brings fourth the sunlight that is beaming on your shirt and the top part of your pants.  You finally are interested in these perfect pictures outside.  You begin to ponder and are captured to what possible you could do rather than take this oh so familiar drive back home where you get into the routine of habits.  Life is like a plane ride, you go off to a place to make something of your life and expecting to encounter into something that will change your life, or even to get away for a little bit. You come back from the flight and your right back where you started, right at the same gate. then you think "wow..wasn't i just here?..everything still looks the same." then it comes back to the  seat of the car you look around outside and fill empty because the memories that these pictures scroll through outside drain your everything.  But not completely because you have left hanging onto, is your piercing emotions that hit every part in your soul. you lay your head down on the door window seal and look up at the sky because now you have become so sucked into this entertainment and want to make yourself comfortable.  you look up and begin to relax and take a huge breath in and close you eyes and let go slowly.  suddenly you feel so much lighter it was like you let go and took out every knife in your soul and are now fully open to whatever the pictures may bring now.  you open your eyes and feel like there is whole new scenery outside. it seems different, its not like winter where everything that is left is old and dead, its now like spring everything is new and blooming and you can see the beauty of what's to come, you now know that there is a wonderful future ahead. new memories, new adventures, more people to meet.  you begin to smile because the way that those pictures have left you now are filling and refreshing.  you smile and laugh a little, your relaxed now and joyful, excited. Your like this because this time around you know that this time in this new year its going to be a good one. you take another deep breath in and..... exhale while smiling. you lift your head and take your hand out of your lap and stick out the window. it starts to go with the way of the wind and speed of the car and you start to sing a song that brings so much more joy to you. whatever that song might be you sing it, whisper it, mouth and close your eyes and smile. its like your hand has a paint brush in it, painting the scenery as it goes along, or your fingers become ebony pencils drawing the pictures as it comes your way.  You no longer are trying to focus on what's ahead but are now just looking to side taking in the moment. Take in the moment don't ignore things that are beautiful and inspire you. God created the hours, minutes, and seconds all to go together to make time so you can take the time to keep track of everything you can take in. Don't be so focused on what's ahead but look around and see what you have today to imagine and dream. Go crazy with creation that seems to fall like a beautiful picture in the moment. enjoy that drive to wherever you go. Enjoy the fact that you were created for that every moment to experience.

 

James 4:13-15

2 month silence but soo much noise is in the box..open it and see what awaits

Well i am soo sorry for keep you guys in the dark from my time here its just this stupid blogger thing is like the worst when it comes to uploading pictures and the connection of the internet is not giving me a helping hand. But yes soo much stuff has happened here in Lima, and even with myself. Since you guys don't know anything at all then let me just put in simple terms with out talking way to much. Well the major things have happened such as a mission trip. well we were planning on going to Tingo Maria but instead we were lead to Haunuco. it seriously was a huge blessing after going through a wilderness to get here. i dont know if maybe you have read earlier or i have failed to mention but i was sick since the time i had gotten here until before Haunuco and this trip happened like the second week of the month of october was over. so pretty much if you have done the math in your head  that is a super long time to be sick.  It was really one thing after another it was stomach issues because of the food and i wasnt the only one who had gotten it, grip of people had gotten it as well as i did.  We named it "the Lima." it came with so many other surprises to. then just when i thought  i was done with sickness i got a cold and i started to get better then all a sudden i got a ear infection in my left ear and going through the doctors of crazy here (which is was really crazy and took a lot of patience) then once i got antibiotics and then this trip sprung up and i had to get my yellow fever shot ( at this point we were still planning on going to the jungle so we had to get this shot in order to go) well i couldnt get it and the doors were closing for me to get and at this point of being sick over and over again it was REALLY discouraging and i have NEVER felt like this before. the Lord used my roommates to encourage me though. i finally after soo many trips to the hospital to get it i finally was able to get it. Then the Lord decided to lead us the place we ended up going. it was seriously amazing the Lord REALLY blessed it and a lot of people were open and got saved and the children were so loving and welcoming. it made me realize how much people are really thirsty for the word of God and how they want and have been looking for Jesus this whole time. they dont want bad doctrine (which is HUGE here) but they want Jesus they want FREEDOM! it was amazing. we came back and i have never felt soo happy to be back in Lima.  Just in the pass month has been alot of crazy things going on. we have had two earth quakes here and it was funny because both times it freaked me out and they were pretty big, we have done childrens festival,34 bottle prank in front of my roommates door (which is a funny story as well), worship concerts,walks to the cliffs, going to central to the old churches, dance parties MOLD ON MY DORM ROOM WALLS ( that is a funny story actually) drinking PERUVIAN COFFEE (which is the best by the way nothing like it seriously) going to the hippie city, i can really go on and on but it would take way to long so you will have to wait until i get home. We also had a unfortunate event happen to our friend and family member had past away in a bus accident on his way back from a mission trip with his friends. but he is with the Lord it was huge eye opener for all of us and HUGE testimony because you really never know when you are going to die. and there are soo many people who don't know Jesus and they die without ever being reached out too did you know that there are 1000 languages between Indonesia and papua new guinea without the word and there are 6,912 languages including all sign language. so it really has been pushed it on my Heart to go back home and do ministry in the states. because there are thousands of people dying today who are without Jesus and WE HAVE THE WORD OF GOD! there is nothing that is a stopping us no language barrier, no government, no person stopping its really ourselves we have to get over our own selves  and pray for the boldness to share with anyone who is put in front of us no matter who. don't be afraid to offend them because what you speak and share is truth and but do it with Love most of all. this goes for me too and the Lord has been showing me a lot about this and has really been preparing me for going out in the world and away from this bible college bubble. yes as you might know now after giving hints i am coming home and staying to do my photography the Lord has been so faithful to prepare me and i know in my right mind that i am READY and the world is ready for me watch out! NO WAY! it really pulls me to my savior because this is a HUGE step of faith because i dont want to fall and fall hard! he is still preparing me for this and i praise him for it! I pray that when i go home that i am changed and that i do not become like i was before i left! words cant even explain how the Lord and what the Lord is doing. I know even in America watching from here is in a lot of...what can i say.... chaos? well yeah OBAMA won..RATS! but wanting to Mccain to win would have not been so great but its just sad to come home to people who are my neighbors and even my brothers and sisters in the church, IN THE FAMILY OF GOD want what they have chosen. really the first thing i thought this morning at breakfast was "MARANTHA LORD! DO NOT HASTE" america needs to hear the word of God. the Lord is still on the throne and it makes it soo much clearer to me that he does have a plan even though i dont know how, why, when, or what but i know that he is coming sooner than we think and that he is going to protect his children. We as the children of God are taken care of and thats all that matters as long as i have and you have the father on the throne of our lives then he will protect us and save us keep in safe too. the all Mighty God made the heavens and earth he posses everything in and has us under his care. He is the God above all rulers, judges, and presidents! OBAME, MCCAIN, THE DEVIL, are no match for him he created them for crying out loud. He will give what is good to his people, yes he will. he is faithful to answer our cries and prayers. look what he did for the children of israel in Egypt. He delivered them didnt he? he promised he would even though it wasnt easy with pharaoh they did have to suffer. but he still delivered his people.  Not even with this whole Obama thing but with Life in general his is faithful to deliver us and give what is good. all i have to do is sit back have him on the throne of my life and believe.have FAITH remember that? that is this the action we all once have and still have.  

One more month left and its really coming by so fast. just trying to soak up this last month in before i head on that big flying bird we call a airplane back to sweet cali! i am praying for a lot of things in my life that are very personal and i cannot put into words. but all i know is that i cant wait come home and serve for the Lord and draw more close to him.  Please pray for us here. thank you and sorry for making this soo long but there could be more though. miss you guys and will be seeing you soon either on ground or in the sky. Jesus can come back any second when we least expect it such as like right.... now. 

Here are some pictures to give you a idea. ones from central arent up here those you will have to see later sorry

 

( this is all the glass bottles on campus in front of my roommates door we have a video it was soo funny)

these are my old brown stinky vans that my friend Gonzalo did some art on them. they look soo good i have never seen them look so white and nice in a long time..and they dont smell rank anymore..thats a plus (sorry mom i tried sending some pictures but you know how it goes you'll see them soon all the way around)

this is haunuco sky on a afternoon/evening. really this city is called "the city of eternal spring"

this is me and Anne French at the children's festival. it was a beautiful day as the months go on the gets warmer and the sun comes out and visits us more often. its great!

this is the cliffs on a sunny day in Lima.

i just thought this was funny as we were walking home from the cliffs

Psalm 91.

Caio!

Simply pure goodness.....

Well this past week the college has started a new block class which is going through the book of Joshua.  the class are not taking place here at the college as you might presume.  but instead the students who are taking the class are being sent down to the orphanage that the college is in the process of building.  Kevin Green and some elders from his church have come down from Fort Brag california to teach this class.  Well now here comes out my honesty of this class.  the week before i had NO desire to go but i knew that John Bonner wanted me to go down and take pictures of this action to put on the blog site i am in charge of (see right hand links). but i was only going one day and it would have been soo expensive. So i had reasoned to but only only if a car was going back an forth to there and back to the college everyday because then if not i would have to stay the night down there with the rest of them.  So i knew that the Lord was telling me to sign up so i did ONLY to do what i needed to do.  My heart wasnt right for the longest time before.  But then i would say a couple of days before the Lord had brought to my attention that i have been completely selfish especially with everything i have been experiencing. also what the Lord has been showing me is that I complain alot and all  think is myself and how I feel.  so the Lord totally convicted me of that and when i had read about how Jesus was going to use Lazarus for his glory by raising him from the dead but the only way that Jesus could raise him from the dead was that he had to die like his flesh had to die but his spirit was going to live on because he had Loved Jesus very much and Jesus had loved him dearly. it totally was the Lord speaking to me how i need to be dying to my flesh in order for him to use me and that this not for me but for the glory of him.  ever since i let my selfishness go i have never been so close to the Lord i trust him soo much more, more safe i feel. throughout this time i have been here i know that the Lord has been pursuing me. So since then i was really excited to go to the orphanage and work for the Lord.  Then come to find out i would have to sit in on the classes which i was to excited about because if i wasnt taking it at the college why would i have to sit in on it? but any way the first day we got there we started to work. we painted, scrapped the walls, and cleaned up the dust and left over stuff we had token off.  We did this probably the whole week while we were there.  with a little dodge ball game break.  Well the first night the class started.  The first hour i didnt sit in because he was just sharing his testimony and i read alittle bit during that time (awesome time with the Lord...amazing) then i walked in at the break to listen to the other half and it was soooo Amazing! totally was the Lord speaking to me about how i need to be strong and not selfish and how the Lord wants to use me but i am full of selfishness and i have to empty myself to be filled with him. The Lord everyday after that night has been still speaking to me through other people and situations.  I know i am here for sure now not to fall in Love with the Country but so the Lord can work in my heart because he has been speaking to my heart directly and changing my life by just his word.  The last morning i was there the Lord had reminded me that the whole earth is fill with his goodness.  Its soo crazy to think that we can see some of much of Gods goodness.  what also really is bringing me so much comfort is the fact i have been praying about somethings in my Life and where, what and how i want him to lead me.  He has been showing me how he sits in the heavens and sees me with his eyes and he will guide me and instruct me and hear my cry.  The Lord has been soo good to me and i pray that it will never stop. i am like in this sweet sweet hiding place with him just me and him. falling deeply in Love with him is nothing but...simply pure goodness.

much love.

A little taste of America

So i am sorry for not keeping you updated on this for a while. its been alittle busy with going out and doing alot of things exploring the different districts of Lima. we have gone seriously from downtown to the most expensive part of Lima.  well to get a good idea of what has been the adventures of my short life in Peru there is soo much so little by little i must explain at a time. i am actually sitting here in the lounge area of the campus "lounge" and these boys are trying to play the cajon it its their first time trying to play the peruvian way. and to be honest my head is about to split. the Lord is trying to teach me patience here especially with the people.  well adding to the blog i first wrote the following day a gang of us like 6 to be correct fixed into a cap literally sitting on top of each other (which i was intersting and fun experience) we went to this outside mall that had a bunch of stores that reminded me of america. i never really realized how much i miss america itself. maybe its just something i must be getting use to.  this mall was in Lacmare it seriously sat right on the edge of the upper part if the city and you look down the cliff and right there was the ocean and beach. the clothes are much like american clothing but when you go to look at the prices of the clothing you think its like really expensive but the currency here is 2.90 of the exchange so really in american money it is not that bad.  after this little walk around the Mall went walked down to this park called parke de amor which means the park of Love. it had two statues making out and there were like a million couples there holding and kiss each other( weird its like america!) we ended up having a great day that day. class have started and they are in  block period one class starts in two weeks and goes for the length of two weeks then it ends and then another one picks up.  right at the moment i am taking nehemiah its a really really good class it talks a lot about being a leader and what it takes. the Lord has been speaking to me soo much through this class so yeah. and through my devos in the day the Lord has been speaking to me about being faithful in the small things. a week has gone by now here and i think some of us may caught a little bug but we cant be to sure.  they have put everyone into ministry here for one of our classes you either go saturday all day or sunday.  My ministry is on sunday and i go to the english speaking church and help the peruvians with their english. last week was my first sunday i have a feeling its going to be good and i am totally thankful for this too.  be able to communicate with people and know what they are saying is my huge taste of America.  We have done soo many things here and i am sorry for not being to good at updating you but i will try more but the internet only works when it wants to so yeah. please be praying for me i was REALLY these last few days so just pray over all for the campus health. its something that is going around.  like i have said there are soo many stories from movie nights on saturday nights to random guys down at the internet canbianas (which is where you can go get on the internet to check your email for like 5o centimos) asking me on date over all.  i dont love it yet but its only been two weeks. today i was just thinking that the only reason why i am here is to not fall in love with the country but to be taken out of my comfort zone and for the Lord to work on my heart.  that i think it is something to fall in love with more than a country can EVER hold.  

of course still having a cup of tea every now again. still with the sweetest mug ever. drinking and hanging out in the...cold.... but oh well the sun shine seems to come out on weekends which is nice but only for a little bit like this morning it came out and stayed out for some time until about noon. but last night a grip of us went and had papa Johns and it was soooo good. i have never been so thankful.. then on our way back we saw a man lying on the ground and he was a deliver man from the papa johns and he got hit by a car but the car had took off (it was soo sad i wanted to cry for him)  and he was hurt bad so we had walked over there prayed for him and spoke to him about the Lord.  speaking of being papa johns when these people were leaving they asked if we were christians (because we had prayed for our food) and it turns out they were christians too.  so last night was a pretty sweet night.  when we go out something happens or there is always a story to tell.  

*please pray for John (man on bike who got hit)*

also one last note: i can get phone cars so i can call out of the country to the states so hopefully you will hear from me soon.  like i have said earlier they only work when they want to really. well at least for me! 

much love!

bottom line is...

So i finally arrived in Lima Peru thank you for all your prayers. Well after a 12 hour plane ride, and not getting hardly any sleep. the Rough ride i might add was good. it was super neat to be sitting on top of the clouds of the earth. seriously it didnt even look real. it look like a bunch of pillows waiting a face to rest.  it seriously was like a whole new world sitting above these clouds.  Then finally arriving in Lima Peru makes you think how small you are in the world. i use to think that California was the world but i soon learned this once stepping foot out on the night streets of Peru.  the Girls are nice but they are going to be a little hard to get to know it certainly is not like last semester it makes me miss you guys even more.  but its time to be out of comfort zone and be stepping out now.  the campus is totally beautiful its like its own little jungle here. a little hostile is what i like to think of it. the Language its most def something i must pick up soon because its the only way to get around here in Peru, that and getting to know sole (which is the currency here) so far so good here took some pictures on the flight to get me in the grove of bring my photography back.  walked the night life and called it a night.  sat with Fredee ( the girl i flew with) me and her had became really good friends.  we usually hang out together so far. everyone else thinks we are "crazy" but thats fine.  so again we walk to the super market about a couple blocks up from the school and Peruvian men are so funny. they all seem to have a staring problem and are EXTREMELY friendly but not in wrong way at all.  sometimes it feels weird to be an american.  well walked back sat talked with some of the guys that are also attending this semester got to know them. really funny guys. so i decided to call it night by taking a shower. in the middle of my shower the water had shut off on me. i was all soaped up and trying to wash off and there was SERIOUSLY  no water left over.  so the girls next door had to bring me the HOTT water that you make tea with. i basically burned myself but i found a way of making it not as bad ( by pouring it out on the shower floor and hurrying up and picking it up and splashing on my body a little at a time) so my night ended with a horrible shower after long flight. but o well i do have to admit i was a little upset thinking "this would happen to me"  but the Lord totally reminded me of how he is trying to take me out of my comfort zone. BOTTOM LINE IS that i still have a roof over my head to be able to experience this time in my Life in a huge country full of people to meet and to able to hear the creator of the universe speak to me in a soft still voice.

soo basically Less than two weeks now...

The art of every storm is the fact that the Lord is there ready to take us into the shore.  i have less than two weeks until i will be waving this town good-bye.  its crazy especially the fact that i have been going through soo much these past few months. i must say this has probably been the worst and toughest summer yet. i know its totally the Lord using every situation in my Life to bring out what is wrong in me. but the emotional part about it is soo draining. i have made a fool of myself and i have most def let down my witness to others. 

in all of this though is when i finally sit down to just try to rest away from my feelings that seem to consume me. knowing that even before i make them out of my mouth. my father in heaven knows what they are and where the come from. he already has stepped out on the water to come to my boat in the storm so tell me "it is I, do not be afraid." to hear the calm voice of my savior pushes satan behind me. making my cry known to God is the best thing that i can do right now even if it takes all my breath and energy to make it known. he is faithful to come and rescue me with a comfort of his arms.

  i just want to be there i say to him but he has said just wait patiently your time is coming child. the only place where he wants me to be and i feel most safe and most needed to be is in his loving arms. on my knees at his feet. in his resting place.  look i know i have messed

 up especially when i have worn my heart on my sleeve. but the good thing about all this is that the Lord is still telling me that i am his and that i am the temple for his spirit and most of all he has still redeemed me.  that he is still pursuing me like no human being could ever do.  i need to be fixed and put into my right mind to be totally away from where i am now. i have been wishing that i really didn't have feelings instead of pretending sometimes to not have any.  but this is the way the Lord has created me and i have to deal with it and just not think and the Lord get my soul into a healthy place. Lord if those dove eyes were really real for your children please give me those only fixed upon you.  gone gone gone going. Trusting the Lord is a command. and the greatest commandment is actually doing it.